Why?

3 plus years without my son....2 plus years without my best friend....4 plus months without my granddaughter....For years I have been asking why. Why Lord? and How Long? My friends and mentors tell me, "God has a plan." "He knows what He is doing." "It's not anything you have done, it's something God is doing in you and in them." and, "He won't take the cookies out of the oven until they are done." All good advice and comforting for the moment. But the questions come back and I always need more comfort.

God is good all the time and He just keeps showing me that....by providing friends with encouraging words to prop me up on my leanin' side and by popping devotionals into my prayer time that hit the mark and tell me that He hears me and that even though I don't see what He is doing, He is doing...and the cookies will be done and they will be perfect!

Today I received a devo that encouraged me and spoke to my questions....

Betrayals
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Friday, December 18 2009

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend. - Psalm 55:12-13

"You will always be attacked in the place of your inheritance," said the man sitting across the breakfast table. "God has called you to bring people together and to impact other people's lives as a result of this anointing in your life. You must make sure that you seek to maintain righteousness in all of your relationships." Those words came from someone who had the wisdom and authority to speak them to me.

I have had a number of close relationships that ended in betrayal. I am very loyal to my friends and those with whom I have covenant relationships. Yet there are times that no matter how righteous you are, when someone means to betray you, he will do it. Loving those who betray you is "graduate-level Christianity." The religious community and one of His closest friends betrayed Jesus. Those who were closest to David betrayed him. Joseph's own family betrayed him. Loving our enemies cannot be accomplished by mustering it up. It can only happen when we have come to a death in ourselves so that Christ can love through us. It is truly one of those acts of identifying with the cross.

If you are a leader, you can be sure God will allow you to experience betrayal. It is one of those courses in the Kingdom that may not be required until God has seen that you have successfully passed other tests. It is the most difficult and most gut wrenching of all tests. A godly response goes against all that is in us. Our natural response is to protect, retaliate, and retain unforgiveness and bitterness. Our natural response is satan's most powerful weapon; to overcome it requires much grace from God. Ask God to build His nature in you now so that when such attacks come, you will be aware that it is a test and you will respond in righteousness.

Thank You Lord! I am encouraged to live another day keeping my eyes on YOU and my feet on the course You have set!

Help Me Lord!

I could list all the new sorrows this year has brought and find despair in the bottom of my bucket. Or I could list all the joys this year has brought and find hope to lift my heart. I choose hope and joy for I know that the Lord is good. I didn’t spend time in prayer yesterday and I felt it...the sorrow and the worry lightly tapping at my door. This morning it’s knock is more insistent. I know that it’s time to pray and seek the Lord and call for his rescue, lest they beat down the door and overpower me in my weakness.

broken fellowship

Oh, that your ire would subside
look on me with compassion
consider my plight
relent in your punishment

Oh, that you would have mercy on me
see me through eyes of love
consider my heart
reevaluate your judgement

Oh, that you would give grace to me
hear my cries
consider the pain in my soul
draw me again to your breast

Oh, that I could find joy in this pain
that I would repent
consider how I have fallen
do again the deeds of my first love

Oh, that we could find the love
that our eyes would light with love
that our ears would hear sweet words
hug in a sweet embrace

Do What He Says...

What do you do
the love you give
returns unreceived
the smile that you share
met with spit and despair
your heart
an open book
thrown to the dirt
trampled on purpose underfoot
bring your friends
your relatives
stomp on it
smash it
grind it into the dirt
share in the fun
what do you do
when you don't want to write
but you just want to hide
and you hide and you hide
anything but write
but the words are inside
piling up until they're all that you hear
the damn
will it hold
the words push and they whisper
scream and they cry
with tears wailing
let me out
LET ME OUT!
what good will it do
how can it help
just do as He says
write, write...

Fall

I love the fall! The temps cool down, and it's back to school. There's just something about it that gives you a renewed sense of purpose.
We spent the weekend in Red River New Mexico for Aspencade. It was a three day show and it was a little cold each day, but no significant rain. Until the last day when it poured down rain. Thank God for Monica and Gil who came into town for the last day and helped us pack things up. If they hadn't been there, we would have probably lost the tent in the wind and gotten completely soaked!
We were next to Gypsy River Riches, John and Kishna are silk artwear artists. It's kind of like tie-dye and very colorful. They were a sweet couple and we hope to see them again. We traded some glass art for some silk art at the end of the show. We got a sweet little dress for Amara in her favorite color, orange.
It would have been fun to have Christina and Amara at the show as there was lots for them to do. A play ground near by, a climbing wall, a petting zoo and a small choo-choo train for the kids to ride. There was music all weekend, and that made it so festive!
Thanks God for a fun weekend and safe trip.
Yay Fall! BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) started last week and it really is fun for me to be involved with a group of ladies seeking to know God better and discover His will for our lives and pray for each other.

wail

have you felt the pain of a broken heart
do you hear the cry from my broken heart
all the pieces are shattered and tumbled all over the floor
shall i sweep them into a dirty heap in the corner
or fling them out the door to be caught by the wind
who needs this heart that breaks and bleeds
sweep the pieces away, be gone, be gone
i dont want this pain, take it, take it
but the pieces fly back in my face, wail, wail
the pain surrounds me, suffocates me, i cant breath
better that way, since the pain wont go, i will, i will

Angel Fire New Mexico this Saturday

I'm excited to travel to Angel Fire again this weekend. It is such a beautiful place. Although I think every part of New Mexico is beautiful. I will be participating in the Art About Town Show that is happening on Saturday, September 5. If you are in the area, please stop by my booth. I'll be right next door to the Chamber of Commerce in the El Centro Plaza.

If you are looking for wine stoppers, I have a whole new collection, created fresh this summer with lots of bright colors and organic textures. Plus I'll have my jewelry and plenty of beads, beads, beads!

We won't be taking the camper on this trip. It needs a couple of repairs before it goes on the road again. The fridge and the potty are not working correctly. Since it's just a one-day show, we'll drive up late Friday and stay somewhere in town and then come home on Saturday night--God willing.

Yesterday I was blessed with a little home-school field trip in my glass studio. It was great fun sharing my passion for beads and glass with the kids and I got to help them create a bookmark and a necklace with some of my glass beads! Thank you Denise Ebel and kids for making my day!

I hope you have enjoyed your summer and that it hasn't flown by to quickly for you.

Cheers!

Teresa

God is so good

We had a wonderful time at the High Country Arts and Crafts festival this past weekend in Eagle Nest New Mexico. Despite the monsoons, we had great crowds of friendly, art-loving people. Thank you to all of the people who stopped by our booth. A special big thank you to all the folks we met last year and the year before who stopped by to see how we were doing and to support my glass art. I appreciate you all!

Amara and Christina went with us too and I think they had a pretty good time. It was their first trip with us to an art show. We were busy with the show and so didn't get to do too many things with them, but they walked around enjoying the cool, mountain air, eating ice creams and snow cones. In the evenings we BBQ'd and went for walks. Amara met lots of new people and even got a penny squished/stamped at the medalion and chain-maile booth (I know, my spelling is horrid!).

My new design of rings and pendants went over very well and most of the wine stoppers sold. So, today I get to go back in the studio to create new things for the McCall Idaho show in August. God is so good!

Thank You God for...

• keeping us safe on our trip there and our trip home...both in the beautiful rain with gorgeous New Mexico scenery!
• a profitable show
• Your peace
• Your provision
• The mountains and the pines...my favorite scenery
• Mom and the work You are doing in her life
• Christina and Amara
• our truck and camper that are still going strong -- thanks for holding all the old parts together and working right
• Sam and his belief in me
  
• Christian sisters (and brothers) who care and pray
• Mike
• Your great love for me
• Your word to guide and encourage me
• Wayne
• Nancy
• air conditioning and hot showers!
  

Excellence

Today's devo was about doing whatever job you do with excellence, to the very best of my ability. With the bumps and scrapes of life sometimes I drift into auto pilot in order to numb the pain. That is a dangerous place to be. The Bible tells us to be ever watchful and mindful because we have an enemy who seeks to rip us to shreds.
Today I trust in the Lord because He cares for me and will always love me. I cry out to Him in the morning and He hears and provides. God is so good to me--grace and mercy in abundance, never-ceasing.
Thank You Lord for...

• Your love and mercy to me
• Mom's surgery went very well and the mass removed from her abdomen was not malignant
• Wayne's oral surgery went well, and he now has a healthy mouth again
• Lenya's recovery from surgery and that the cancer is stage 1 not 3 - looking forward to a full recovery and the blessings that come even in the pain
• A sweet swim day and fellowship with Christina and Amara
• Your great provision to us; physically, emotionally and financially
• Morning quiet times to hang out with You and sing to You
• My glass art
• All the rain we got last night
• Christian friends who support and lift in prayer
• Good sales at the Tiguex park show
• A good credit score
• The vehicles all work
• Your provision for Christina and Amara
• The Dow sisters, mom, grandma and aunt who pray and care for Christina and Amara
• Jesus and for You caring enough to send Him

Happy Dance!

Yesterday I went to the late service at church (mostly because we stayed up late for Spring's birthday party on Saturday night). I'm so glad that I went to the late service.
I saw Ben and his mom and dad and his sister. Yay! This was just another encouragement in a pretty steady stream of encouragements for me from God regarding Mike.
1st - I never go to the 11:15 service neither do they; on Sundays they usually attend Desert Springs
2nd - rarely am I late (caused me to sit closer than I normally do, I didn't notice them until I was halfway into the isle; there they were sitting right behind me)
Thanks God!! Seeing Ben was almost as good as seeing Mike. I hugged him and just balled like a baby.
My thankful list for today -- thanks God for:

• Ben and his renewed commitment to the Lord (he didn't say so, but I could see it in him)
  
• My slow summer schedule
• The shows I got into
• providing for all my needs
• never giving up on me
• loving me all my life
• Mike, Amara and Christina
• praying, Christian friends
• Austin got to go to Idaho and hang out with his Grandpa and new grandma Jo
• the financial wake up call
• vehicles, electronics, air conditioners and plumbing that works
• this feeling of unease that tells me "get busy" "hang on to ME"
  

Thursdays

Here we are at 4:52 am. Why am I up so early? I sat too much yesterday, now my back hurts and it woke me up. Simple as that. So, what am I doing? Sitting! LOL!

Thursdays are a special day for me, why not start them early. Every Thursday I pray for my son Mike as well as other "kids" that are estranged from their parents or from their Lord. I've been doing this for a while now and will continue to do it. I was going to stop when Mike came home, but I have a feeling that I will have so many others on my list that I will be doing my Thursdays for the rest of my life. And that's okay. It's important to pray for our kids their whole lives.

So today I look forward to bringing Mike, Leanne, Ryan, Scott, Jonathon, Jeff, Glen, Frank, Christina, Andrea, Rachel, Ty, Wyatt, and Jimmy before God and asking Him to intervene in their lives, to bless them, to bring reconciliation, to remember them.

My top ten thankful list today (okay, a few more than 10. what can I say? I have a lot to be thankful for):

• Thursdays
• Work and Art to keep my hands busy
• Amara's cute little smile and happy attitude
• Wayne's love and help around the house
• Jesus' unconditional love
• Christian sisters who care and pray
• GPS
• Overcast, rainy days
• A peaceful home life
• A home church where I know my brothers and sisters and they know me
• The Bible
• The Holy Spirit to guide and teach me
• All the Dow sisters and their mom

Now go out there and bless the world with you! ~ Teresa