The LORD's voice

Do you ever ask, "are You there God?", "Can You see me?", "Can You please tell me what to do?"

I ask these questions on a regular basis. I'm like the poster child of neediness--constantly asking, "Do You love me? No really, do You love me? How about now? And now? Still? Do You love me?" and sometimes, "Why do You love me? How can You love me?"

This morning, despite the fact that I skipped my prayers, the LORD spoke to me through this blog post, and this devotion--Discerning the Call of God.

God is good and I will always praise Him!!!

My First Hero

My Dad

He claimed me as his own
He gave me his name
He loved me
He challenged me
He rescued me
My Dad, My first hero

My Dad, non-filter Lucky Strikes and strong black coffee
Painted himself into the corner of the shed -- the only mistake I ever saw him make
My Dad, fisher, hunter, ford lover, quiet, strong, big loving heart, electrician, builder
My Dad, I miss you
I miss what I threw away, I miss what we never had a chance to have
I miss You!!! I've missed you for years and now I'll never have a chance to rebuild all that was missed

My Dad

♥ R.I.P. ♥

some thoughts from my heart today...

The enemy knows that he needs to come in and destroy us when we are kids so that we won’t trust and we will have a hard time in relationships as we get older, thus separating ourselves from others because relationships are hard. We are alone in a world full of people and we are afraid to reach out to each other. What will they think of me? What will they want from me? What will they need of me? I don’t have enough strength in me for me, how can I give any of myself away to others? What will *they* think of me if I really put myself out there?

We need to let go of the fear and love each other. This saying is so over used--"what would Jesus do?"

But seriously, How would Jesus love? If He saw a lonely, a sad, a hurting heart would He turn away? Or, would He reach out and connect and share His great love with them despite the consequences, despite their *worthiness.*

Let's love as Jesus loves...everyone...so much that He gave of Himself to death to love us and save us.....I want to be known for my great love....what about YOU?

He Hears and He Answers

A couple of days before Christmas I got a phone call from Christina. A couple of days after Christmas I got to see her and my granddaughter, Amara. They are now staying with us again and my sorrow has been turned to joy! The Lord is good, he knows just when the cookies are done to perfection!

That's an analogy that my friend Sam gave me when I asked him for counsel and my only question was, "How Long?!"

He asked me, "when do you take the cookies out of the oven?" Duh! when the timer goes off...when they are done!

That's when God will take the cookies out of the oven. He knows what He is doing. I can interfere and try to enforce my will on the cookies. But that could mean underdone cookies or burnt cookies. That is not what I want. So I sit back, pray and wait for Him to tell me when the cookies are done.

I'm so glad I did that. God's a better baker than me.

Why?

3 plus years without my son....2 plus years without my best friend....4 plus months without my granddaughter....For years I have been asking why. Why Lord? and How Long? My friends and mentors tell me, "God has a plan." "He knows what He is doing." "It's not anything you have done, it's something God is doing in you and in them." and, "He won't take the cookies out of the oven until they are done." All good advice and comforting for the moment. But the questions come back and I always need more comfort.

God is good all the time and He just keeps showing me that....by providing friends with encouraging words to prop me up on my leanin' side and by popping devotionals into my prayer time that hit the mark and tell me that He hears me and that even though I don't see what He is doing, He is doing...and the cookies will be done and they will be perfect!

Today I received a devo that encouraged me and spoke to my questions....

Betrayals
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Friday, December 18 2009

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend. - Psalm 55:12-13

"You will always be attacked in the place of your inheritance," said the man sitting across the breakfast table. "God has called you to bring people together and to impact other people's lives as a result of this anointing in your life. You must make sure that you seek to maintain righteousness in all of your relationships." Those words came from someone who had the wisdom and authority to speak them to me.

I have had a number of close relationships that ended in betrayal. I am very loyal to my friends and those with whom I have covenant relationships. Yet there are times that no matter how righteous you are, when someone means to betray you, he will do it. Loving those who betray you is "graduate-level Christianity." The religious community and one of His closest friends betrayed Jesus. Those who were closest to David betrayed him. Joseph's own family betrayed him. Loving our enemies cannot be accomplished by mustering it up. It can only happen when we have come to a death in ourselves so that Christ can love through us. It is truly one of those acts of identifying with the cross.

If you are a leader, you can be sure God will allow you to experience betrayal. It is one of those courses in the Kingdom that may not be required until God has seen that you have successfully passed other tests. It is the most difficult and most gut wrenching of all tests. A godly response goes against all that is in us. Our natural response is to protect, retaliate, and retain unforgiveness and bitterness. Our natural response is satan's most powerful weapon; to overcome it requires much grace from God. Ask God to build His nature in you now so that when such attacks come, you will be aware that it is a test and you will respond in righteousness.

Thank You Lord! I am encouraged to live another day keeping my eyes on YOU and my feet on the course You have set!

Help Me Lord!

I could list all the new sorrows this year has brought and find despair in the bottom of my bucket. Or I could list all the joys this year has brought and find hope to lift my heart. I choose hope and joy for I know that the Lord is good. I didn’t spend time in prayer yesterday and I felt it...the sorrow and the worry lightly tapping at my door. This morning it’s knock is more insistent. I know that it’s time to pray and seek the Lord and call for his rescue, lest they beat down the door and overpower me in my weakness.

broken fellowship

Oh, that your ire would subside
look on me with compassion
consider my plight
relent in your punishment

Oh, that you would have mercy on me
see me through eyes of love
consider my heart
reevaluate your judgement

Oh, that you would give grace to me
hear my cries
consider the pain in my soul
draw me again to your breast

Oh, that I could find joy in this pain
that I would repent
consider how I have fallen
do again the deeds of my first love

Oh, that we could find the love
that our eyes would light with love
that our ears would hear sweet words
hug in a sweet embrace